When you are single, loneliness is inevitable. The fear of having nothing to do on a Saturday night is anxiety producing. I remember those days. I filled them with friends or work so I didn’t have to sit alone with my thoughts. On my wedding day, I assumed that the promise of, “to have and to hold,” actually translated into, “you will never feel lonely again.”
I am married, and sometimes I am lonely.
While we were building a family, my husband was working insane hours teaching and coaching in order to pay the bills while I stayed home with kids. In my head I understood that he was not choosing work over me. He was choosing to feed and shelter us over eating out at Applebees or staring into my face and talking about his feelings. In my HEAD I understood, but in my economy, time is love.
I have always lived precariously on this shifting line of expectations. I have a clear perception of reality, but I am easily influenced by Hallmark. On one hand, I realize my husband can’t just take the day off and whisk me off on a romantic day trip to the vineyards. But on the other hand, I still want him to.
Admittedly, we have filled our plates to capacity. We both have jobs that require our daily attention, and we have five wonderful, busy, and needy kids. We are both showing up in our marriage. I recognize the fact that most women would love to have a husband that comes home from a twelve hour work day and begins washing dishes. We are a team! And we are crushing it on the majority of the marriage stuff. But connecting seems to take a backseat sometimes and I am a “quality time” kind of gal. I actually enjoy spending time with my husband, but when he isn’t available, I sink further into loneliness. My tendency is to pull away when the connection fades. I begin investing more into my children because connecting with them is easy. I become obsessed with the way other couples relate and I use reality television as my guideline for romance. Sadly, I know this isn’t right. And it only pushes us further from our goal of intimacy.
Since the idea of date night at the next high school event isn’t a very appealing idea, I’m counting on my tablemates to give me some ideas that don’t cost a lot of money, but will help us connect as a couple. I’m suppressing the notion that we just need a quick Caribbean getaway. (See five kids above) Help me out, friends! How do we grab some quality time together? What works for you?